| My Description |
I had a large and very religious family growing up. We were fairly poor, and I didn't always/rarely had clothes/shoes that fit. My mother gave any excess family money to televangelists. I wasn't allowed to watch television or listen to music, and somehow, I was the black sheep. I don't know how or why that happened, but I think as one of the oldest kids, and the biggest one, I tended to draw the "fire" away from the littler kids, so I got beat up a lot. I was taken out of my home as a teen and put into foster care where I flourished. I was allowed to join sports and do recreational activities. My life felt so fun then. Then I was asked by my father to come home, and I did. I have spent the rest of my life trying hard to be "good enough" and to fit into my family. I have 2 daughters. One is 23 and born out of wedlock. I watched my parents fawn over my siblings children but not allow my daughter to even be around. It was so hard, because we all lived in the same town, hung out and our kids were the same age. I thought my daughter was shunned because I wasn't married, but now I have a husband and a 1.5 year old by him, and the shunning is even more intense, by all members of my family. I have finally come to the conclusion that thete isn't anything I can do to improve things. My mother told me I ruined her life by being born. I know what she was trying to say, and I forgove her, but she is still acting like I am a terrible person and that really, really hurts me. I realize how happy I am when I let go, and let new people in. I don't want my little one to never have an extended family like my oldest daughter didn't. I like hosting family get togethers, and planning things to do. I would like a warm-hearted group of people to call my family that never makes someone else feel like they don't belong.
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